I'm not sure if driving in my car with the radio off has been a good idea. It's allowed my mind to wonder through some crazy half-thoughts; connecting dots that have long been waiting to finally link two common themes, and creating new bridges between things that probably don't relate at all.
While driving tonight I came to a startling realization. I've recently mention "dating" someone in communication with friends and family, knowing that it is too early to actually use that term, but unsure what to call it when we've been out on 2 dates, and that could potentially be more...I've simply accepted the offered title. But, for whatever reason tonight I asked myself if we are actually dating. Because we have been out a couple times, as mentioned before, and we enjoyed ourselves (at least I did). And we will probably go out again.
But does that constitute dating? And if so, maybe I've been "dating" several people...
I mean, whatever it is that we are doing, I've definitely done more with the last jerk guy I told everyone I wasn't dating. We never kissed or really even held hands (both of which I consider very important in a relationship), but we were very much comfortable with each other I was very comfortable with him, so there was no awkward personal space bubble that couldn't be invaded; we were pretty much always together; people thought we were dating; I assumed we'd be friends for pretty much the rest of our lives. I was often fairly excited to receive his calls (obviously that was back before I started almost calling him a jerk--see above. And yes, I do take some responsibility for our lack of communication now, but that's a different story). I was definitely more drawn to him than I am to this current guy (again, I admit that this is my fault again, because I am apparently not gifted in the patience department, so I lose interest quickly when there is nothing happening).
The possible definitions I came up with for defining a dating relationship are:
1- Participation in dates
2- Expectation of longterm relationship
3- Intimacy (physical, emotional, comfort level)
4- Simple decision made by those involved
So all these random thoughts came pouring into my conscious as I drove along Route 66 tonight. And then a thought struck me: Was I dating Jerk (I guess I'll call him that now, just to keep things kinda easy)? Was I lying to everyone, including myself about this? Is that why I am so upset with the current lack of friendship between us? I'd been telling myself it was because I considered him one of my best friends, and I felt betrayed, but is it actually that am I really just jealous? Because that would change everything. While I thought I was rightfully upset, maybe it's all my fault and I'm overreacting. That would make me very sad.
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