Just (you and me)

Knowing you're not here for me
There's a decision I must make
Standing with your hand in mine
A bond I hesitate to break
It's safety and comfort I crave.
The insecurity and fear
Pause me in my journey
Hindering the choice
I dont want to make
The single step I fear to take
The one that will bring tears
As I leave your side for good.

Kinda sums it all up

Music

"If I were a boy" by Beyonce
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A



and:

"Hey Now" by Augustana on "Can't love, Can't hurt"



http://www.getalyric.com/mp3/lyrics/songs/augustana-19269/can_39_t_love_can_39_t_hurt-53183/where_love_went_wrong-248737/

http://www.getalyric.com/index.php?search=either+way+i%27ll+break+your+heart+some+day%2C+augustana&criteria=all&search+lyric=go
http://www.metrolyrics.com/either-way-ill-break-your-heart-someday-lyrics-augustana.html

why didn't you tell me sooner?

Aka: unasked Questions you couldn't answer./unanswered questions i couldn't ask.

Did I expect too much?
Do I hope for too little?
What is she to U?
Why do U let her do that?
What did I do wrong?
How can U blame me?
Why can't I forget you?
You let her do it.
I think you like it (the drama).
Don't you believe me?
...don't you trust me?

Deep desires learned in an awkward moment.

I realized today something I've forgotten. As one hand extended two arms were opened and thus the moment began. The handshake offered was accepted with a hug while the awkward hand was left to explain to the body that change must come. The arms came up, but too slowly to do the traditional over/under hug. the head was straight and nose pressed to chest as arms wound around waist. And as one awkward person struggled to adjust, another person held tight, masking the unease and exuding comfort.

And that's when I realized how much I miss hugs. The all enveloping arms that hold you tight in your moments of trauma. The hugs lovers share when the words "good-bye" are too hard. The celebratory hug that comes with the results' revealing. The hugs that keep you warm in the cold wind's path. Arms that wrap around you and lips kissing your forehead as your eyes close to breathe it all in. These are the dreams that haunt my head as eyelids close and sleep creeps near, or in longing looks at others.

This is the dream I fear will never arrive.

Sometimes I want to Quit

each time i'm late
or forget the true race
i know the needed strength
can pour down from above
but sometimes i want to quit.

i look around at all that they do
and remember how little i've done
overwhelmed with how thin i'm spread
feeling out of place where i should belong
and sometimes i want to quit.

forget the stress and find the fun
a place to blend and not stand out
to run away and leave it all
to run so fast i miss the fall (crash)
yes, sometimes I want to quit.

* but then i remember

hidden

Amazing how many things, are not what they seem (as they seem)
As people struggle to hide, all weakness inside
standing tall, head high. hoping no one sees the lie.
each day improving, step by painful step
hard work and dedication makes the journey no vacation
feeling like a solitary climber, stranded in late December
but now with open eyes, i see the crown and hear the cries.