Desperation

I hate how attached I get while you remain so distant.
And how much I need you to answer your phone, when you feel no need to leave a message.
I'm getting so dependent on you, I've tied my happiness into yours.
And while I'm amazed by your independence, I'm also trying to steal it
Maybe it's because I'm jealous. Maybe it's because I'm afraid you will leave me.
and I'll become once again the transition friend.
The one so eager to please she introduces you to everyone she knows.
the one so easily forgotten when you get situated in your new life.
The one so listlessly sitting alone in the corner,
where no one notices her tears, where she hides until they dry,
and then comes out with the fake smile plastered on.
A fake smile she's mastered and everyone thinks it's real.

I guess if you forgot me, it wouldn't be so bad.
I've gotten through the loneliness before.
I've spent nights crying in my pillow,
longing to feel your arms around me.
I just wish you hadn't promised me otherwise.
I wish I would have been prepared for it this time.
It's my own fault. I push people away as soon as they get too close.
I run from the loss of my freedom, and the expectations of others.
I try to walk the line between emotional extremes,
sacrificing the happiness to avoid the sadness
but this time i fell into the illusion of love.
The bliss I saw in your eyes, and felt as you protected me from danger.
the comfort I felt in your arms, and in all the skills you offered.