Desperation

I hate how attached I get while you remain so distant.
And how much I need you to answer your phone, when you feel no need to leave a message.
I'm getting so dependent on you, I've tied my happiness into yours.
And while I'm amazed by your independence, I'm also trying to steal it
Maybe it's because I'm jealous. Maybe it's because I'm afraid you will leave me.
and I'll become once again the transition friend.
The one so eager to please she introduces you to everyone she knows.
the one so easily forgotten when you get situated in your new life.
The one so listlessly sitting alone in the corner,
where no one notices her tears, where she hides until they dry,
and then comes out with the fake smile plastered on.
A fake smile she's mastered and everyone thinks it's real.

I guess if you forgot me, it wouldn't be so bad.
I've gotten through the loneliness before.
I've spent nights crying in my pillow,
longing to feel your arms around me.
I just wish you hadn't promised me otherwise.
I wish I would have been prepared for it this time.
It's my own fault. I push people away as soon as they get too close.
I run from the loss of my freedom, and the expectations of others.
I try to walk the line between emotional extremes,
sacrificing the happiness to avoid the sadness
but this time i fell into the illusion of love.
The bliss I saw in your eyes, and felt as you protected me from danger.
the comfort I felt in your arms, and in all the skills you offered.

Just Trying to Wink

Dearest JTW,
In my struggle to be unique, I find myself falling to the weaknesses within. Knowing everyone has their expectations; their thoughts for your life; their judgements and delusions, even though they've never experienced what you've been through. I want to tell you about how impressed I've been by what I've seen, but with all the fans running constantly toward you, it's hard to stand out. If I stand back I go unnoticed, but running would blend me into them. "Them" being everything I've worked so hard to avoid. I've given up so many opportunities in life fearing to annoy you as "they" annoy me. Naturally I am not one who'll stand out in a crowd. My personality is one that must be looked for to be appreciated, because if no one looks, I fall through the cracks, and hide in the background. So, where is the median between obsession and oblivion? How do I make you see me, in the sea of faces? When will you notice that my devotion is to the true you, and not the character the rest of them seek? I've adored you from a distance, because the perfect moment for the prince to meet the peasant only comes in movies, it never happens in real life.
Waiting for your attention,
Just One In The Million

If you knew me, you'd probably never expect to see something like this on my blog...but right now, it's true. Tonight, I want to cry.

Artist - Keith Urban Album - Various Songs Lyrics - I Want To Cry Tonight

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
'All By Myself' would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

The battle between emotion and logic

torn between the adventure of loving you
and the comfort of running away.
longing for the solace only your arms can offer
but dreading the pain that lurks close by.