Waiting

Do you know how hard it is for me to sit here waiting? Watching you from a distance, as you confide in me about all your dates and desires. It forces me to keep locked down deep all that I wish for us. I want to cry and run to your arms, but I know you wont hold me. I know you'd run away if you knew all that I want from you. You'd cut all ties as I've seen you do with all the loves before. But I can't afford to lose you. If we couldn't talk, who'd I turn to when all the world's my foe? When all I see is you and me, and how intertwined we are. If you were to go, you'd take part of me, and I'd be left incomplete. And all the inadequacies I feel now, would be made even worse, because you alone make me feel my value.

But today we had plans and I was on my way when you called. You made arrangements with your other friend and right away I knew. Your friend is the key that will lock me away and hold me there for a while. making me wait for the "love" that you have, as you whisper sweet nothings to me. whispers of him and her all alone, and asking what step to take next. I knew right away and I should have run, but instead I agreed to wait. Hoping you'd someday notice all that I could be, if only you'd help me grow. Why cant there be a you and me, instead of me and you and them? I know that I'm flawed, and have much to learn, but for you I do my best. and here I sit, watching you chase another who has all of the things you hate, but the face of of one who belongs on the screen. when will you learn that what you want isn't this? will you ever decide that I'm who you need? will you ever come tell me about myself? Ask for my advice on what step to take in gaining my love forever? Probably not. but here I'll remain, hoping in vain. too scared to walk away.