True fact

Regarding my number 1 rule

Ok. Here is my commitment: I will initiate no contact. I will resist responding to his contact. I will stay busy so as to avoid thinking about him. I will allow myself to find that relationship I thought was unique with other people--I will not allow myself to become that dependent on one person again. I will be sociability nice, but distant. I will be mature.

It's so sad that I cant stay away from you. It's so hard to feel this need to be held, and know that the one person I could turn to, is also the one person I am trying to avoid. I want to run to you, and I keep trying...but I'm too stubborn to say I need you, and not strong enough to turn away. Instead I just make it worse by contacting you incessantly. I need to stop. I'm trying to stop.

The Great Debate

I can accept that you have a girlfriend, and I can accept that it is not me. But in order for that to happen, you have to tell me about her. I could even accpet her telling you not to be friends with me. It would suck, but I can accept us not being friends because we havent really been friends in quite a while. What I cannot accpet is you letting her talk badly of me. What I cannot accept is you treating me like your backup plan. If you would rather spend time with her, say that instead of making up some bull shit story about being busy and tired. And don't call me when she backs out on you because I am not just going to sit around and wait for you. ...except that I probably will, because so far that's all I have done. Wait for you to pull your head out of your ass and see things as I see them. I am trying to act like a grown up and remain friends, but maybe the more grown up thing to do is to cut off all contact with a relationship that is toxic.

Dear Lover,

I've got a lot that I would like to say.
Its hard to write down all I have down deep within my mind.
How to write these wordless thoughts
that all blend and then conflict?

I miss you--I'm sure it sounds odd when you're here with me.
It's more the memory of who together we used to be.
Please tell me, how'd we get
to where I now long to be?

Every day I did my best to meet your every need, my dear love
At the time I thought that that would be enough for you.

Dear Lover, All I have left now it is just a shell
I've lost now, everything I once had to give to you.
It's no shock you wouldn't want this empty case
That once housed the one you hugged.
That girl you helped me be
Is long gone now, 'cause you see
You've stopped lifting me

Every day I did my best to meet your every need, my dear love
At the time I thought that that would be enough for you.
Every day I did my best to meet your every need, my dear love
At the time I thought that that would be enough for you.

Gave you all I had
Now there's nothing left
I hope you understand
It's not my fault--It's yours.

Another verse?
I loved when, the two of us were comfortable-all curled up on the couch where no one disturbed us. The time when I trusted you and all you promised me, and you wanted me enough to send those roses.
Signed: Sincerely, me